Although I have lived in the Northeast for 20 years, I was born in the South and consider myself a Southerner. Growing up, I always got a kick out of what I’d call southern expressions. My father is chock full of them so I asked him to write down anything he could think of. He sat around with some friends the other night and came up with a doozy of a list. Priceless.

  • Tight as dicks hatband
  • His front porch light is burnt out
  • Old as dirt
  • Full as a tick
  • So good it’ll make you smack yo mama
  • He’s all hat – no cattle
  • You’re like the dog that caught the car
  • Country as a churn
  • Lower than a snake’s belly
  • Prettier than a picture
  • Hotter than a $2 pistol
  • Colder than a well diggers ass
  • Quieter than a graveyard
  • Sneakier/meaner than a snake
  • She’s seen better days
  • He’s higher than a kite
  • He’s uglier than a mud fence
  • That’s smoother than a spanked baby’s butt
  • Like water off a duck’s back
  • He’s livin high on the hawg
  • Faster than a scalded dog
  • Slicker than snot
  • Uglier than homemade sin
  • Like a bat outta hell
  • Sick as a dog
  • One foot in the grave
  • Skinny as a rail
  • He’s wrapped too tight
  • Long dip in the ugly pond
  • She came down the road like a Tennessee Walker
  • Dressed like a Philadelphia lawyer
  • Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers
  • Grinning like a mule eating briars
  • Grinning like a possum eating persimmons
  • He’s as crooked as a dog’s hind leg
  • He was caught with his pants down
  • She just flew off the handle
  • I got the short end of the stick
  • He went hog wild
  • We always go to bed with the chickens
  • He went after it whole hog
  • I’ve got no axe to grind
  • I’ve got no dog in this fight
  • Holler like a stuck pig
  • I haven’t see you in a coon’s age
  • He just sits there like a bump on a log
  • They’re like two peas in a pod
  • Scarce as hen’s teeth
  • You’re a sight for sore eyes
  • Two shakes of a lamb’s tail
  • He’s playing possum
  • She’s a spring chicken
  • That’s the fly in the ointment
  • Deader than a door nail
  • He could go bear hunting with a switch
  • That’s better than a sharp stick in the eye
  • Gooder’n snuff and not half as dusty
  • He won’t hit a lick at a snake
  • He’s got a tough row to hoe
  • I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck
  • I don’t know her from Adam’s house cat
  • That kid ain’t knee high to a grasshopper
  • That dog won’t hunt
  • Sure as a cat has a climbing gear
  • Slower than molasses
  • She’s so poor she ain’t got two nickels to rub together
  • Runnin around like a chicken with his head cut off
  • Rode hard and put up wet
  • That’s right as rain
  • It was so good it would bring tears to a glass eye
  • So ugly she could snag lightning
  • Your butt would make her a Sunday face
  • Useless as teats on a hog
  • He’s dumb as a sack full of hammers
  • He looks like he got beat with a ugly stick
  • You look like something the cat drug in
  • You’re not worth the gunpowder it’ll take to blow you away
  • Cute as a bug’s ear
  • He lives in your neck of the woods
  • He couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag
  • I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole
  • I’m gonna tan your hide
  • It’s as hot as blue blazes
  • Long as a month of Sundays
  • Slow as Christmas
  • Left like a herd of turtles
  • Finer than frog hair
  • Green as a gourd
  • Less chance than a snowball in Hell
  • He’s 3 sheets in the wind
  • Gooder than grits
  • Pretty as a speckled pup
  • Crazy as a bed bug
  • I love you a bushel and a peck
  • He’s gone to hell in a hand basket
  • She treats me like a red headed step child
  • That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew
  • He doesn’t know shit from shinola
  • She thinks her shit don’t stink
  • He doesn’t have a pot to pee in
  • Up shit creek without a paddle
  • I’ll be there if the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise
  • Madder than an old wet hen
  • Crazy as a shithouse rat
  • Bless yore pea pickin heart
  • Fit as a fiddle
  • Were you raised in a pig pen?
  • Were you raised in a barn?
  • He looks like he stepped out of a bandbox
  • Act like you’ve got some raisin.
  • High as a Georgia pine
  • He can’t carry a tune in a bucket
  • You go around your elbow to get to your thumb
  • She’s tighter than the skin on a grape
  • She’s so tight she squeaks
  • He’s wound tighter than a Gibson Guitar
  • What in the Sam Hill are you doing?
  • Scratch your mad place and get glad
  • Busier than a one armed paper hanger
  • She looks like death warmed over
  • She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher
  • That would make a train take a dirt road
  • That’s water over the dam
  • In your life, you’ve got to eat a peck of dirt
  • You’re barking up the wrong tree
  • Don’t bite off more than you can chew
  • Don’t count your chickens until they hatch
  • Don’t let the tail wag the dog
  • Don’t let your mouth overload your arse
  • Either fish or cut bait
  • Even a blind hog find an acorn now and then
  • Don’t go off half-cocked
  • Don’t get your feathers ruffled
  • Don’t get too big for your britches
  • Don’t flog a dead horse
  • Birds of a feather flock together
  • If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas
  • You’re trying to push a rope
  • You can’t get blood from a turnip
  • Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black
  • Misery loves company
  • You can’t tell nobody nothing that hasn’t never been nowhere
  • No skin off my nose
  • Whatta you mean ‘Fair”….the fair comes in the fall
  • He’s livin in High cotton
  • Well, shut my mouth
  • Hold your horses
  • Ridden hard and hung up wet
  • She looked like death eating a cracker