For those of you that are car enthusiasts, you must know of the UK series Top Gear. It started in 1977 and has exploded to become the most watched car show in the world with an estimated 350 million worldwide viewers.

Well the “new” season began airing in the USA last night, which means we are watching slightly stale episodes (about 4 months behind), but I highly recommend you set your DVR’s for Monday nights to record Top Gear.

One of the best parts of Top Gear is the host Jeremy Clarkson, whose one liners are abusive, racist, mean and hysterical. To celebrate the new season and to give you an idea of what Clarkson is like I found a list of Top 10 Jeremy Clarkson quotes, I think you will enjoy

1. About the Porsche Cayman S: “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

2. “The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.”

3. “I’m sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.”

4. “The Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz in a bath together playing with lots of jelly.”

5. “Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.”

6. “Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car… in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.”

7. On the Lotus Elise: “This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.”

8. On the Porsche Cayenne: “Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.”

9. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… BEING STABBED?”

10. On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: “there is a word to describe this car: it begins with ‘s’ and ends with ‘t’ and it isn’t soot.
And a few more…

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

“This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Ooh good I’ve got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.’”

On the Mercedes CLs55: “Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.”

“Now as you can see, I lost the battle to have two engines on the back because of three very important reasons. One – weight. This is 600 Lbs and that’s the same as having a whole American sitting on the tailgate…”

“In the olden days, I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

“Sure it’s quiet, for a diesel. But that’s like being well-behaved… for a murderer.”